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Apu: Ah! The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.

Apu: The fact that I cannot bowl wreaks havoc with my self-esteem too, hey, but who am I to complain?

[After Apu's wife Manjula gives birth to Octuplets. Apu has been awake all night trying to put them all to sleep, and has fallen asleep himself.]
Manjula: [Waking Apu up.] Apu, it's 4:00 am, your late for work!
Apu: [Wakes Up.] Oh, I just had the most beautiful dream where I died!
Manjula: Oh, no you don't. Not 'til they're out of college!
Apu: Listen, I'll die when I want to!

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

all quotes from imdb.com's memorable quotes zone.